Hanging up my helm.March 24, 2010
I guess this will come as no shock to many of you, especially as I haven’t had a real post in many months, and some of you know I quit playing WoW earlier this year: I am officially hanging up my helm with DruidKitty.
The site has meant a lot to me, and still will, as will all my readers, commenters, and fans. I have not lost interest in blogging, but have no real interest in WoW any longer. It’s a great game, and there certainly is still a lot more interesting content coming out, and I in no way hate the game. It is simply that the game has loosened its grip on me that it held so tight for so many years.
Whether you want to call it an addiction or an escape from reality or both, World of Warcraft and I had a really good run. I played actively on my main, Kathoid-turned-Katharya, for well over three solid years. I loved the game, and still do love the storyline, especially that of the Night Elf Druids, and will probably have some interest when Cataclysm and future expansions come out, but I don’t see myself ever getting so deeply involved in the game ever again.
I started playing the game with someone who is now my ex; he was someone who I was in a relationship with for five years. Things were bad. We had bought a home together and so were of course living together. It was a small house. I’ve always loved gaming. I’ve always been a gamer. And I liked WoW. So I started using WoW as an escape; as a way to avoid having to deal with my then current living situation, and having to deal with talking to him about anything on any level. I came home from work, I put the headset on, and I played until I was tired enough to fall asleep.
WoW wasn’t my entire life, but it sure as hell was a huge chunk of it. I had a job, I paid bills, I showered, I ate. I had friends. I spent time away from my computer. But every night I was playing, and most nights I was raiding. Sure, I had to deal with drama in game, but it was so much easier to deal with than it was to deal with all my real life drama.
The more time I spent with WoW, the stronger my “friendships” grew with people I knew from the game, WoW tweeps on twitter, and of course, my guildies. I have spent time with several guilds, but none was so tight a group and so great friends as who I found with <Concedo Nulli>. (Or so I thought.) Putting a guild together is seriously hard work, especially when you jump ship to a new server. Especially when you only have a few people to cobble together the makings of a guild with. I was fine with this. I like making things; blogs, art, guilds, doesn’t matter. I like to create. So I started spending lots of time working with our guild leader: coming up with a name, ranks, a website, recruiting, etc etc. And little by little I realized something was happening. Something that felt great. Something that felt special.
This guild leader and I had A LOT in common. We were in similar situations with where we were living: we both were unhappy, relatively “stuck” where we were, and using WoW as an escape to not deal with getting ourselves out of said situation. We would spend nights staying up late talking on vent. And on AIM. Then it led to phone calls. And then it led to Skype. We talked less and less about the guild, and more and more about our situations, and us. And then it led somewhere I could not have ever predicted I would let it go.
We met. And I stupidly fell in love.
Love is not something I ever call stupid. But damn, I was stupid.
We were both so damn gaga that we didn’t do as good a job as we should have with keeping this budding “us” from the rest of the guild. We mixed business and pleasure. I really do not want to rehash any details or relive any of those confusing feelings, so I refuse to get into details. But you could say it did NOT work out. It tore me up, which ended up with me being torn from the guild.
I transferred realms a few times, and ultimately ended up back in <Concedo Nulli> after the guild leader left, but it was never the same. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing. I couldn’t turn back the hands of time, I couldn’t undo what I had done wrong, and I don’t honestly know if I would.
For better or worse, it was a wake up call that there are more important things to life than this game. I realized I am so much more than a purple-haired avatar who sometimes take a feline form. I am so much more than someones summer WoW fling. I can do so much more than just slay beasts in game. I realized I could love again, something I was sure I couldn’t do, and I realized that, even though things weren’t meant to be in this situation, that someone could love me, too.I realized life could go on.
So I packed up my things and moved from living in the house I bought with my ex and moved right back into my parents house I had left some five years earlier. And I started over. I got a new job, got a new apartment, and got a new love. I still played WoW a bit, but it really was more out of feeling an obligation to my guildmates than actually wanting to play. So eventually, I let my account run out, and I stopped playing altogether.
Now, on the cusp of another big move – this time from my small apartment I got on my own, to a bigger one where my new love, my fiancé, and I can share and make a home together – I am finally saying goodbye for good to WoW. I’ve learned so much from this game. I can honestly say it made me a better, braver, stronger, more confident person. And writing this blog has certainly made me a better writer, or so I say.
I am in no way done blogging. Once I get my new non-WoW related blog up and running (it’ll be a mix of geekystuff, food, art, photos, crafts, eco-friendly goodness, library nerd stuff, and of course, GAMING!) I will update here again with a link.
For now, so long. Good luck in WoW. Good luck in love.
May Elune light your path. ❤